The law of averages is corrupt. I am pretty sure that if it adhered to actual averages, I would have a job by now. I have applied to no less than 118 jobs since we moved back home - and yes, I did get one offer from Wal Mart, but for less money than it would cost me to accept it (daycare, gas) so that would not really benefit us. I would love to be able to get out there and do a face to face application, but then I run into the situation of what to do with the kids during this time? Hubby works from home, yes, but he has to actually be able to work and not have 2 kids competing for his attention or trying to kill each other in the background. We can't have his work disrupted because it is our only income so I am in that old catch 22 loop. What exactly am I to do now? We have no health insurance, income is just barely covering living expenses and I can't seem to find anything to help. I even tried to apply online for a prep job at McDonald's but it will not accept applications using the browser we have...WTH?? The pressure is mounting to be sure and I can feel myself heading back into the abyss of depression because of this. Nothing like being made to feel like you are not worthy by dozens of employers a day to keep you down!! Work from home would be amazingly ideal, but I have yet to come across any of those offers that are legit. Everything asks for a fee of some sort to sign up and you know, that is a huge red flag. If I had money to toss around, I would not be looking for a job! I have to find an outlet to let me vent and kick and scream, and then hopefully to allow me to find that I am still the person I always was, and that I am worthy of having a job and doing my part to provide for my family. Hell, I can't even go back to school thanks to a fraudulent student loan obtained in my name almost 20 years ago that is now very delinquent. I can't seem to get anywhere with the department of education by explaining to them that I graduated from the school in question and did not use more than one loan - even when I provided a copy of my diploma. The school sent me copies of the "records" and the signatures on the 2 applications are so clearly NOT the same, it is sad. It is more than frustrating and now it is keeping me from furthering my education and training in a hope to do more for my family. Nice. Okay, I am done. I am just gonna go sit over there in the corner for a while.

Welcome back!

Wow, over six months since I last felt the need to rant?? That has to be a record!! Ok so in that time, a LOT has changed for us. We moved, finally!! I can't even say how good it is to be back home and with "my peeps" again. I feel like the old me is coming forth again and I can't wait for her to get here full time. The move itself was rough, involved a great deal of last minute unplanned stuff, including needing 2 trucks to get us here - good lord do we have a lot of STUFF. It was great to have a friend come stay with us down there for a week and help with the packing and moving up. I guess maybe my friends missed me as much as I missed them if some were willing to give up their time like that. I still feel miserable for having to leave behind the outdoor kitties I had adopted in Nokomis. I worry for them all and hope the neighbors who assured me they would feed them are able to do so. Those poor kitties were abandoned before me and now I feel no better than those people who did that. I hope the kitties can forgive me for that. We found a great home in a great neighborhood with lots of kids around and close to what we need, but not too close. When the time comes for Macy to start school, we can simply walk down the sidewalk to the elementary school which is awesome! For that matter, if we stay here long enough, the middle and high schools are walking distance. I would like to think we will one day be able to buy another home, one we intend to stay in and can afford. This is a nice area to live in and likely we would look in the same neighborhood. I think keeping some distance between me and shopping is a GOOD idea so here is smart. I had not given much thought to the differences in Nokomis/Sarasota/Venice,we'll call it "there", and Newberry/Chiefland/Gainesville which we'll call "here". There, I had a Publix and CVS in walking distance which was great. Here, It is a 7 mile drive to those. There I had Bealls Outlet stores, Babies R Us, 2 Target stores and a Super Target, more Wal Marts than anyone needs- all were Super Wal Marts in fact - a nice TJ Maxx/HomeGoods, a nice Big Lots and multiple gas stations. Here, one each Wal Mart (not super), Target, Bealls Outlet, TJ Maxx (which sucks) and gas station...unless I wish to drive more than 20 miles. Wow. Driving that far there would put me in the middle of a whole new set of mulitple stores. Oh, and a nice mall there that was 1/2 mile from one of the Target and the BRU stores. The mall here...well...is less than inspiring. I do like that it has a Traffic, even though I have no need to buy those shoes, I love that they have them and at prices I can deal with. The Macy's here is getting better. The Toys R Us is not so hot but its all we have. I am so thrilled to get to spend time with my friends now. Even those who have a short drive up here, they still do it and we get to hang out. I have had 2 pedicures since moving home- that is a record for me! Yes, a luxury but oh what a wonderful thing. Went to 2 Moms Night Out events, those were fun. Nice to get out with the girls and relax. Hubby and I finally went out too! Once for our anniversary, to an old haunt, on New Year's Eve. The name on the sign changed, but that is all. Saw some old friends there too. We also went out to watch the Sugar Bowl, which was the best damned Gator game I think we watched all year. Such fun to get out there, but yes it was kind of budget killing. We will survive, always do. I did a LOT of baking (for me) over the holidays, and some good cooking too. Now it is time to get my butt moving and remove a few hundred cookies from it. I do love the cooking, just wish someone would eat it besides me. I actually made some burnt cookies for a very special old friend - yes he requested BURNT cookies. Can't even tell you how hard it was for me to burn cookies. What can I say, I love my friends and will do most anything for them. Now its time for me to get back to being me. I know, this was not my usual sarcastic commentary on the everyday but I had to say all of this. I will get back on track, promise! Know that I love each of you guys who read this, you keep me hopeful that maybe one day I will write something amazing. You can say you knew me when. Maybe I will burn some cookies for you too.