Okay, almost at the two week mark and I have hit another roadblock...well, speed bump. Again with the blisters! This time my entire pinky toe is encompassed by 2 blisters and the other foot has a big one just where my toes are hooked onto my foot. OW! Being the internet junkie I am, I decided to go online and see how to treat and then prevent further blisters from happening. If you have researched anything online, you know this was an exercise in futility - hey, wait....can I count that as part of my daily exercise?? Anyway, in one site I was told that I ought to use something called "Runner's Lube" which I admit to giggling about. The pretense for this product was to prevent friction which is how blisters are formed -by the friction of sock, shoe and skin. Okay, maybe this is true, sounds like it was well thought out anyway. Then the very next paragraph says to use 'cornstarch or a powder containing cornstarch' to keep the foot dry as moisture contributes to the forming of blisters. So....which is it? Lube it up or dry it out?? I was so confused. Another suggestion was to get better socks. I only have very thin, well worn socks because since I moved to the beach, I rarely wear them. I thought the sock theory was reasonable, and I knew the Band Aids made for blisters were awesome, so I went to Wal-Mart to get new of both. They did not have the band aids (Publix came through for me again) but they had so many choices of socks, I was lost. There were thick, thin, no-show, over the calf - good lord when did socks get so hi-tech? Some said to wear only 100% cotton, natural is best. Others said to get a "wicking" fabric to keep feet dry - assuming this would not also wick away the foot lube if you used that. I did find foot lube there. I read the ingredients which were largely vegetable oil, petroleum jelly and something I assume to keep it in stick form. Great, Crisco for my feet. So there I am, with at least 16 varieties of socks to choose from and no idea what I actually needed. I picked out some 'no-show' socks that claim to be cushioned, wick moisture away, offer arch support and to stay crunchy in milk. No wait, maybe that was something else...anyway... I saw many labels for an "active" lifestyle. Truth be told, my lifestyle is far from what I would call 'active' even with the 2 kidlets to chase after. All I was looking for was something to prevent blisters when I went walking. Then, there was a flash of bright yellow....and I saw them. Socks made by Dr Scholl's - who have long been in the business of foot stuff. Right there on the package were the words I longed to read....Blister Guard. Well, BOGO would have been good too, but blister guard made me quite happy. Armed with now a good $28.50 worth of socks, I proceed to check out, feeling optimistic about my future walking. Too bad the next morning my feet/blisters were so sore from my schlepping all over Wal Mart that I could barely walk to the bathroom, nevermind further. So yes, I skipped the walk. Thought about it that evening, but decided against it - GASP!!
Okay, surely one day will not undo much in the way of progress. HA! I got up this morning, a bit reluctantly, and suited up, including my new socks with Blister Guard, and hit the trail. I pretty quickly figured out that missing the one day, plus eating chips and a candy bar during that day, had indeed done damage. Normally I would walk for a full hour, sometimes as much as an hour and 15 minutes. Today, it was just 45 minutes. I was winded within 10 minutes; lightheaded right after that and felt like throwing up at least 3 times during the walk. My legs screamed at me to go home, I was sweating from my eyebrows and now my back was hurting. How the hell does walking make your back hurt? Anyway, I caved and came home at the 45 minute mark. I feel like I let myself down, but I also had no desire to heave chunks on the sidewalk in front of the morning commuters. Notice I did not mention any issues with my feet including any new blisters. Those socks lived up to their claims!! I am so happy!! Of course I still have the ones I had before I bought them, they are not magic after all. I have no new ones tho and I even went without any band aid on the pinky toe blisters and they felt fine!! With all of this you may be wondering why I have not been doing cartwheels up and down the hallway. As excited as I am to have found a way to walk without making my feet fall off, I am still a bit let down. I have weighed twice since I started this venture on May 30th, and I have lost less than a pound in total. I did see a 1.5lb drop the first time, but the second time 1lb was back. I know, slow weight loss is the best, but jeez! I was hoping with this level of commitment and in light of the sheer miracle of me continuing PLUS finding the perfect socks, maybe I would be rewarded with a 5-6lb loss. I do feel better when I walk. I can walk the route faster now and with less heavy breathing. I kinda sorta feel like my pants may be less constricting. Oh well, there is always next week for those results.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
You can do it!!!
So I set out to do some self improvement. I had the plan, I had the support (thanks to you guys), I had the means and even the time.... now its up to me. Guess what? After a brief slip up, I AM DOING IT!! I have been getting up at 6:30am to go for a brisk walk for 40-45 minutes every morning. In the past 2 days I have had only 2.5 cans of soda, but to be fair this is far less than a typical day AND it is that lovely week of the month that all women deal with so I caved. I have been taking my vitamins and the OTC 'belly fat buster' like I am supposed to. I have been eating smaller portions and make sure I have a good variety of foods that are also good for me. Know what? I feel SO much better, and its only been 5 days! I actually didn't walk yesterday, due to the aforementioned "female" issues, but by George I got my butt up this morning and went right back out there. This is not to say there haven't been some obstacles to overcome, lest you think this sounds like some day at the beach easy-peasy thing I am doing - think again!
First thing I had to surmount, I did not own tennis shoes. I know, it's weird. I have lived in flip-flops, Crocs or gone barefoot for about 5 years now, and tennis shoes were just not part of my life. I did buy a pair when I was given a treadmill - more on that later - but they were ill fitting and about killed me the first day so they are now in the box to go to Goodwill. I am still not sure why I cannot do this walk in my Crocs but I didn't want to go out there and break every rule right out of the gate, so we will see about that. Dutifully I went to Wal-Mart to look for tennis shoes because I cannot afford to go and get name brand shoes designed for walking. This raises a question...aren't pretty much ALL shoes going to be walked in? I don't quite get the need for specific shoes for walking, court, cross training and running but it seems to me like a way for the shoe companies to make a killing. What if you have to walk across a court, thru a grassy, slightly hilly area to get to the track or course you want to run? Do you have to carry a knapsack with 4 pairs of shoes and change at each change in definition of turf? Anyway, I have long been a fan of the "$5 disposable" little white tennis shoes (which are not specifically for anything, least of all tennis) that Wal Mart has sold forever. Until now. They had them, sure, but starting at size 8 1/2 and going up to 12W. There were also a slightly different style in a few colors, which I am not a fan of, but gave them a shot just the same. Again I can find only sizes 8 1/2 to 12. Now I think its wonderful that people with the need for these sizes can just walk right in and get a pair of "$5 disposable" tennis shoes - oh, and now they are $8, but I would also like to enjoy this same ability only I am a size 7 so for now, I am out of luck. I decided to check out the 'boxed' tennis shoes despite knowing they can go for 3-5 times as much per pair, but I am determined. Do you know that every pair of size 7s I found were in black? I am not a fan of black tennis shoes, I don't know why but they just don't quite 'do it' for me. Finally I settle on some shoes declaring they were for 'court' activities so perhaps if I am punished for this breech of etiquette I will be allowed to wear them to go before the judge and explain my situation. They were only $11, still more than twice what I was prepared to pay, but at least the right size and color. So now I have tennis/court shoes which I will wear to go walking. Shhh.
Then I bought a new bottle of the 'belly fat burner' supplement. I do wonder how this is supposed to work, how it knows belly fat from butt fat although I will not be upset if it works on both to be sure. I get this home and discover part of the secret the next morning when I go to take them. The bottle is in a box which has a tiny strip of what I assumed to be a tape like material over the flap edge. Turns out the clear strip is apparently made from the same material used to build Wonder Woman's invisible jet because it cannot be ripped or cut with a thumbnail. Keep in mind it is 6:30am and I am trying to not wake up the kids so there was no chance of me getting the scissors from the medicine cabinet. So far every time I have gotten those scissors out for anything, there are at least 4 other things that fall out of the cabinet and directly onto the little metal bin holding the hair brushes, and then knocking it onto the floor which is loud enough to wake people 2 streets over, except for Lon who sleeps thru everything. So I decided to just tear the box flaps, not realizing that a glossy laminate coating on the box would turn it into a razor sharp instrument of torture capable of rendering a paper cut like wound but about 10x as wide. Finally I get the damn bottle out of the box - its now 6:55am but I can finally take the supplement and get on with my walk. There is more clear plastic wrapped around the top of the bottle...joy. Wait! There is a perforated section! Yay - a shortcut into the next line of defense. If it had actually come apart more than 1/3 of the way down the perforated area, I am sure it would have been the perfect protective seal. Now I am left picking at clear plastic on a white bottle in semi darkness - again, trying not to wake the house - and after only a couple of small bits came off, I did manage to get enough off to open the top. To find a paper/plastic/foil membrane. By now I am fairly aggravated, I am losing precious time for my walk and I am on obstacle #3 just to get the 'belly fat burner' that also promises to help calm and stabilize ones stress level. I think I know why they added that benefit - getting the bottle open is enough to put one into full blown stress meltdown. I manage to get thru this seal, tearing it into about 5 pieces before fully removing it but it was gone and now I can get to the capsules. Looking into the now open bottle, I see what appears to be a bale of cotton. Okay, I can do this, cotton is soft and nice and will soak up a good bit of the blood still seeping from the cut dealt by the box top. I grab the cotton and pull, expecting to see a full piece of white fluffiness. I had maybe 10 threads. This is how the entire wad of cotton came out, about 10 threads at a time. *sigh*
Amazingly, I did get to my walk. Since the first day was in ill fitting shoes I had a couple of blisters to deal with. I am not entirely sure why I got just as many blisters the next day with proper fitting shoes. I think my feet were rebelling against being shoved back into socks and closed up shoes. I honestly felt like I had forgotten how to walk in that type of shoe, kept scuffing the sole on the sidewalk and tripping over nothing. Plus the pain from blisters was no help. I did have a friend tell me about a type of Band-Aid made especially for finger and toe blisters. I went to look for them in Publix, sure enough they sell them. They were $4 for a box of 8!! Band-Aids are like $1 for a whole box of various sizes and they want $4 for these 8 blister Band-Aids?? Let me just say, worth every penny. Instant relief and they stay on for several days, even thru showers. So me and my Band-Aid wrapped blister covered toes were much happier.
I had decided I wanted to walk thru a gated community about a block north of my road, and for the first day I was able to. Gates were open, and even though I am willing to ask the gate guard if its ok, there was no one there so I just went in. Such a pretty walk! Nice lawns, pretty flowers, quiet and no zipping traffic. Views of the water, occasional bunnies hopping thru. No wonder I prefer this to walking the sidewalk along 41 and all the traffic noise and issues there! However it was hot at 7am so I bumped my walk time up to 6:30 and they do not open the gates until 7, so I am forced to walk the sidewalk along the highway and just keep an eye on the traffic. I don't know how far I am walking, I usually just measure by the time. For the first 2 days, the walk was 40-45 minutes round trip. The third day was longer, but that included a stop into CVS for some supplies (recall the "female" issues) so I am guessing it was about as long since it was the same distance pretty much. Then today, I made the same walk as before and when I got home, not only was I not nearly as tired or breathing as heavy as the first few times, but it only took me 30 minutes!! Progress!! I did weigh in on the day of the first walk, but I am not going to weigh again until the weekend. Once a week is plenty for that kind of humility, seeing that I weigh at Publix right out where everyone can see! Still, I feel pretty good and proud of myself for sticking with it! This may even turn me into a morning person - EEEEKK!!
First thing I had to surmount, I did not own tennis shoes. I know, it's weird. I have lived in flip-flops, Crocs or gone barefoot for about 5 years now, and tennis shoes were just not part of my life. I did buy a pair when I was given a treadmill - more on that later - but they were ill fitting and about killed me the first day so they are now in the box to go to Goodwill. I am still not sure why I cannot do this walk in my Crocs but I didn't want to go out there and break every rule right out of the gate, so we will see about that. Dutifully I went to Wal-Mart to look for tennis shoes because I cannot afford to go and get name brand shoes designed for walking. This raises a question...aren't pretty much ALL shoes going to be walked in? I don't quite get the need for specific shoes for walking, court, cross training and running but it seems to me like a way for the shoe companies to make a killing. What if you have to walk across a court, thru a grassy, slightly hilly area to get to the track or course you want to run? Do you have to carry a knapsack with 4 pairs of shoes and change at each change in definition of turf? Anyway, I have long been a fan of the "$5 disposable" little white tennis shoes (which are not specifically for anything, least of all tennis) that Wal Mart has sold forever. Until now. They had them, sure, but starting at size 8 1/2 and going up to 12W. There were also a slightly different style in a few colors, which I am not a fan of, but gave them a shot just the same. Again I can find only sizes 8 1/2 to 12. Now I think its wonderful that people with the need for these sizes can just walk right in and get a pair of "$5 disposable" tennis shoes - oh, and now they are $8, but I would also like to enjoy this same ability only I am a size 7 so for now, I am out of luck. I decided to check out the 'boxed' tennis shoes despite knowing they can go for 3-5 times as much per pair, but I am determined. Do you know that every pair of size 7s I found were in black? I am not a fan of black tennis shoes, I don't know why but they just don't quite 'do it' for me. Finally I settle on some shoes declaring they were for 'court' activities so perhaps if I am punished for this breech of etiquette I will be allowed to wear them to go before the judge and explain my situation. They were only $11, still more than twice what I was prepared to pay, but at least the right size and color. So now I have tennis/court shoes which I will wear to go walking. Shhh.
Then I bought a new bottle of the 'belly fat burner' supplement. I do wonder how this is supposed to work, how it knows belly fat from butt fat although I will not be upset if it works on both to be sure. I get this home and discover part of the secret the next morning when I go to take them. The bottle is in a box which has a tiny strip of what I assumed to be a tape like material over the flap edge. Turns out the clear strip is apparently made from the same material used to build Wonder Woman's invisible jet because it cannot be ripped or cut with a thumbnail. Keep in mind it is 6:30am and I am trying to not wake up the kids so there was no chance of me getting the scissors from the medicine cabinet. So far every time I have gotten those scissors out for anything, there are at least 4 other things that fall out of the cabinet and directly onto the little metal bin holding the hair brushes, and then knocking it onto the floor which is loud enough to wake people 2 streets over, except for Lon who sleeps thru everything. So I decided to just tear the box flaps, not realizing that a glossy laminate coating on the box would turn it into a razor sharp instrument of torture capable of rendering a paper cut like wound but about 10x as wide. Finally I get the damn bottle out of the box - its now 6:55am but I can finally take the supplement and get on with my walk. There is more clear plastic wrapped around the top of the bottle...joy. Wait! There is a perforated section! Yay - a shortcut into the next line of defense. If it had actually come apart more than 1/3 of the way down the perforated area, I am sure it would have been the perfect protective seal. Now I am left picking at clear plastic on a white bottle in semi darkness - again, trying not to wake the house - and after only a couple of small bits came off, I did manage to get enough off to open the top. To find a paper/plastic/foil membrane. By now I am fairly aggravated, I am losing precious time for my walk and I am on obstacle #3 just to get the 'belly fat burner' that also promises to help calm and stabilize ones stress level. I think I know why they added that benefit - getting the bottle open is enough to put one into full blown stress meltdown. I manage to get thru this seal, tearing it into about 5 pieces before fully removing it but it was gone and now I can get to the capsules. Looking into the now open bottle, I see what appears to be a bale of cotton. Okay, I can do this, cotton is soft and nice and will soak up a good bit of the blood still seeping from the cut dealt by the box top. I grab the cotton and pull, expecting to see a full piece of white fluffiness. I had maybe 10 threads. This is how the entire wad of cotton came out, about 10 threads at a time. *sigh*
Amazingly, I did get to my walk. Since the first day was in ill fitting shoes I had a couple of blisters to deal with. I am not entirely sure why I got just as many blisters the next day with proper fitting shoes. I think my feet were rebelling against being shoved back into socks and closed up shoes. I honestly felt like I had forgotten how to walk in that type of shoe, kept scuffing the sole on the sidewalk and tripping over nothing. Plus the pain from blisters was no help. I did have a friend tell me about a type of Band-Aid made especially for finger and toe blisters. I went to look for them in Publix, sure enough they sell them. They were $4 for a box of 8!! Band-Aids are like $1 for a whole box of various sizes and they want $4 for these 8 blister Band-Aids?? Let me just say, worth every penny. Instant relief and they stay on for several days, even thru showers. So me and my Band-Aid wrapped blister covered toes were much happier.
I had decided I wanted to walk thru a gated community about a block north of my road, and for the first day I was able to. Gates were open, and even though I am willing to ask the gate guard if its ok, there was no one there so I just went in. Such a pretty walk! Nice lawns, pretty flowers, quiet and no zipping traffic. Views of the water, occasional bunnies hopping thru. No wonder I prefer this to walking the sidewalk along 41 and all the traffic noise and issues there! However it was hot at 7am so I bumped my walk time up to 6:30 and they do not open the gates until 7, so I am forced to walk the sidewalk along the highway and just keep an eye on the traffic. I don't know how far I am walking, I usually just measure by the time. For the first 2 days, the walk was 40-45 minutes round trip. The third day was longer, but that included a stop into CVS for some supplies (recall the "female" issues) so I am guessing it was about as long since it was the same distance pretty much. Then today, I made the same walk as before and when I got home, not only was I not nearly as tired or breathing as heavy as the first few times, but it only took me 30 minutes!! Progress!! I did weigh in on the day of the first walk, but I am not going to weigh again until the weekend. Once a week is plenty for that kind of humility, seeing that I weigh at Publix right out where everyone can see! Still, I feel pretty good and proud of myself for sticking with it! This may even turn me into a morning person - EEEEKK!!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Slipping thru the "crack"...dammit
You know, I was SO charged with zeal to attack my new outlook on life and all the stuff I have missed by internalizing and hiding. If I am to be honest, I have done very little of the things I promised I would and really I feel like hell about this. Not only did I let myself down, I feel like I let my friends down who were so supportive of me and my plan. So, with that confession, and I hope forgiveness from all who I let down, today is another day and I am going to make more of an effort. I find that I am a good "list person" and that with a list, I get more done. I have a household schedule I used when there was only one kid, and before her arrival as well, and that went great. With two kids, it is 10x harder to do that stuff, which makes no sense but its true. It is not impossible to do the list, its just hard and I have gotten complacent in my laziness and my sitting on my ass-ness and that has got to stop. A special friend recently asked me if premature death was enough of a motivator for me to lose weight, improve my health and I honestly said it wasn't. I know!!! What the hell was I thinking?
So, with that said, I am printing off copies of my schedule that has long worked for me, with a couple of changes to fit the new situations I am faced with. I have actually been waking up at 6:45am, and until very recently I actually got up, not just woke up. The sad little bit of work I am getting these days is keeping me up very late as I cannot work while the kids, well Zane anyway, are up and in the room so I end up working until 2-3am. It is very rough to get up at 6:45 when you go to bed at 2, and be productive. There is a better than average chance that my job is finally coming to an end, which I have anticipated for almost a year but have been lucky - I think - so far. I do think that with as little income as there is now, and as much time as it takes from my day, my kids and my life....its just honestly not worth it. I just can't bring myself to quit and contribute nothing to the income of the house.
Okay gang, I may well slip and slide a bit, and I can surely use help and encouragement, but here I go again. This time I have to get it right. It can't be that hard to be happy, lots of people do it everyday! Sorry this wasn't funny or informative, but sometimes it helps to put stuff out there where I can be held accountable. I will go back to normal, promise!
So, with that said, I am printing off copies of my schedule that has long worked for me, with a couple of changes to fit the new situations I am faced with. I have actually been waking up at 6:45am, and until very recently I actually got up, not just woke up. The sad little bit of work I am getting these days is keeping me up very late as I cannot work while the kids, well Zane anyway, are up and in the room so I end up working until 2-3am. It is very rough to get up at 6:45 when you go to bed at 2, and be productive. There is a better than average chance that my job is finally coming to an end, which I have anticipated for almost a year but have been lucky - I think - so far. I do think that with as little income as there is now, and as much time as it takes from my day, my kids and my life....its just honestly not worth it. I just can't bring myself to quit and contribute nothing to the income of the house.
Okay gang, I may well slip and slide a bit, and I can surely use help and encouragement, but here I go again. This time I have to get it right. It can't be that hard to be happy, lots of people do it everyday! Sorry this wasn't funny or informative, but sometimes it helps to put stuff out there where I can be held accountable. I will go back to normal, promise!
Monday, May 4, 2009
Just a Crack?
Ever have SO much stuff pile up on you that you just 'give up' and quit fighting? You might not even realize you've thrown in the towel, you just get so accustomed to more and more stuff weighing on you. Then, just as your psyche is about to cave in and render you a zombie who goes thru the motions and waits on death....there is just one thing that snaps you back to reality. With the same resolve that you used to have for denying that there was a problem, now you are by God gonna fight back and kick the world square in its ass for picking on you to start with! Who do they think they are messing with? Screw this 'woe is me' lifestyle and accepting things like advancing age, lack of energy and no drive to change things!! I am BACK baby - badder than before, better for the experience!
So you ask, what was the "one thing" that kicked my butt off the couch? I found a crack in my favorite decorative wooden bowl. I know. I thought the same thing; how the hell does that translate into a life changing event? I guess it was the whole idea that the bowl was just sitting there, minding its business, doing what is expected of it and *BAM* it cracks. All I asked of it was at one time to hold some tomatoes and avocados, now it holds Nutri Grain bars. Doesn't sound like a huge burden, it just has to sit there and hold stuff. But to be fair, along with holding stuff, there is the being picked up and allowing kids to choose a treat; being moved around when its time to change the 5 gallon water bottle it is perched on; and there is the whole being in the kitchen with all that goes on in there. I am willing to bet the constant nothing it does takes a toll too.
This got me to thinking, if this really great bowl that I bought can crack from doing nothing, what is going to happen to me if I also 'do nothing' about the things piling into me? The bowl is now on its way out, once wood cracks, there is little that can be done to truly restore it or keep the crack from getting worse. Am I about to be on my way out? I for sure can feel the start of little cracks all over me. Is there a way to keep me from the same fate as the bowl?
With this said, I have a new determination. I will get up earlier - like it or not, and at first I will not - and DO something. Whether I go for a walk, watch the news in the morning, do some cleaning or even some work, I will get up and physically DO something. I will cut back on my Pepsi addiction. I am not going to kid myself and say I will give it up, but I will indeed work to cut way back. I will stop hanging out all day with my unbrushed hair up in a scrunchy with no makeup and in my PJs. I don't intend to prep for a red carpet moment, but really, would it kill me to take a little care with my appearance? I have approximately $7k worth of hair and makeup products, maybe I should use them? (before anyone admonishes me for spending this much money on hair and makeup, let me assure you that 99% of the makeup was free and the hair stuff, about 20% was free) I will take better care of my skin too. It is the only skin I have, even though it does continue to regenerate but the process is slower now. I will get the kids outside to play. Not just on the patio, really outside. We can play catch, tag or just hunt for cool stuff, but we will get outside at least 3 times a week. From our house it is a nice walk to the beach and there is a play park there, maybe that could be a destination now that the weather is nicer. I will make a true effort to cook real foods for the kids and get them away from the Kid Cuisine frozen meals they live on now. There is nothing wrong with Kid Cuisine, I just really love to cook and I want my kids to appreciate the talents I have and to realize all foods are not served in a divided blue plastic tray. I will find something every day to be happy about. We can all gripe and grouse about how awful things are for us, but there are surely others in far more dire straits than we. This is not to say I will become blinded to the obstacles out there, but I will meet them with a smile! I have a lot of faith that doing these things will translate into being generally happier and having other things fall into place for me too. I bet when (I almost said "if") I am happier and get used to being more active, my weight will start to come down and my spirits will go up even more! I am sure my kids will be happier and they will love the new, positive changes too. I have faith that facing the hurdles ahead of us will be easier with all of these changes too and I am actually looking forward to getting started! Wow!! I can't believe I am looking forward to getting up early and seeing what I can accomplish with that one little step.
Isn't it amazing that all of this came from a crack in a bowl?
So you ask, what was the "one thing" that kicked my butt off the couch? I found a crack in my favorite decorative wooden bowl. I know. I thought the same thing; how the hell does that translate into a life changing event? I guess it was the whole idea that the bowl was just sitting there, minding its business, doing what is expected of it and *BAM* it cracks. All I asked of it was at one time to hold some tomatoes and avocados, now it holds Nutri Grain bars. Doesn't sound like a huge burden, it just has to sit there and hold stuff. But to be fair, along with holding stuff, there is the being picked up and allowing kids to choose a treat; being moved around when its time to change the 5 gallon water bottle it is perched on; and there is the whole being in the kitchen with all that goes on in there. I am willing to bet the constant nothing it does takes a toll too.
This got me to thinking, if this really great bowl that I bought can crack from doing nothing, what is going to happen to me if I also 'do nothing' about the things piling into me? The bowl is now on its way out, once wood cracks, there is little that can be done to truly restore it or keep the crack from getting worse. Am I about to be on my way out? I for sure can feel the start of little cracks all over me. Is there a way to keep me from the same fate as the bowl?
With this said, I have a new determination. I will get up earlier - like it or not, and at first I will not - and DO something. Whether I go for a walk, watch the news in the morning, do some cleaning or even some work, I will get up and physically DO something. I will cut back on my Pepsi addiction. I am not going to kid myself and say I will give it up, but I will indeed work to cut way back. I will stop hanging out all day with my unbrushed hair up in a scrunchy with no makeup and in my PJs. I don't intend to prep for a red carpet moment, but really, would it kill me to take a little care with my appearance? I have approximately $7k worth of hair and makeup products, maybe I should use them? (before anyone admonishes me for spending this much money on hair and makeup, let me assure you that 99% of the makeup was free and the hair stuff, about 20% was free) I will take better care of my skin too. It is the only skin I have, even though it does continue to regenerate but the process is slower now. I will get the kids outside to play. Not just on the patio, really outside. We can play catch, tag or just hunt for cool stuff, but we will get outside at least 3 times a week. From our house it is a nice walk to the beach and there is a play park there, maybe that could be a destination now that the weather is nicer. I will make a true effort to cook real foods for the kids and get them away from the Kid Cuisine frozen meals they live on now. There is nothing wrong with Kid Cuisine, I just really love to cook and I want my kids to appreciate the talents I have and to realize all foods are not served in a divided blue plastic tray. I will find something every day to be happy about. We can all gripe and grouse about how awful things are for us, but there are surely others in far more dire straits than we. This is not to say I will become blinded to the obstacles out there, but I will meet them with a smile! I have a lot of faith that doing these things will translate into being generally happier and having other things fall into place for me too. I bet when (I almost said "if") I am happier and get used to being more active, my weight will start to come down and my spirits will go up even more! I am sure my kids will be happier and they will love the new, positive changes too. I have faith that facing the hurdles ahead of us will be easier with all of these changes too and I am actually looking forward to getting started! Wow!! I can't believe I am looking forward to getting up early and seeing what I can accomplish with that one little step.
Isn't it amazing that all of this came from a crack in a bowl?
Monday, April 27, 2009
Closure, I hope.
Let me preface this entry by saying it will not be in the usual vein of sarcasm I tend to write. There will be some bad language, it is a sensitive subject and it will be sad. I wont feel bad if you don't read it, but I have to get this out. Thanks for your understanding.
Sunday April 26th, just before 2am my sweet little yellow kitty, Lila, passed away. I knew it was coming and there wasn't a damned thing I could do about it. We had no money to provide the care she would need to prolong her life, and there was very little hope of saving her, just in buying her more time. I wish it had been different. I wish I had not been so stupid as to think that she would be okay at home, she would be among family and would find a favorite spot and simply lie down and drift off for the last time. It wasn't like that, not even close. She had not eaten in almost a week, her last trip to the water bowl was 3 days prior. She was gaunt, but she would still make small walks to her favorite spots to rest in and out of the house. She did love to lie in the sun on the patio so I let her. She walked all around out there, slowly and with long naps between changing spots. She came inside when it began to get dark, same as always. She was a good kitty. Then when she got inside, there was a noticeable change in her. She made shorter walks, laid in odd spots and appeared to be in pain. Around 7pm I noticed she was on a rug behind the couch, where ultimately she would stay. She would change positions, but it was clear she was hurting. Then she just couldn't change positions anymore, only turn over. This was when I decided I could no longer let her be and I went to lie down with her, to pet her, talk to her and let her know that she was loved, we had all had a great time with her but that it was time for her to go now. You see in the movie playing in my head, once I said all of this, she would close her eyes, have one last deep breath and just "go" in peace.
What followed was more than 6 hours of pain, loss of bodily control and general anguish. She cried out, clearly hurting and not sure what was going on. She had multiple spasms throughout her body where she would ultimately either draw up in a "fetal" position or go the other way and arch her back and not be able to move. I moved her back into a more "normal" pose, hoping this would ease the suffering and at least allow her to breathe for what time she had left. Great huge wracking ragged breaths were drawn in, and I pray I will be able to forget the sounds that came out of her. Legs and feet stiffened, drawing up to her body. She was hurting and there was nothing I could do NOW. If I hadn't been so cheap, I could have spared her this pain and let the vet put her down. I caused this pain on my little yellow kitty and now I have to live with that. I finally moved her into the carrier I would use to transport her to the pet crematorium, lined with a towel for comfort -yeah, I have to make her comfortable at this point. I put one of the baby blankets we have left from the early days with kids and covered her, actually had done that a few hours before, but it went in the carrier too. She deserves some dignity and no one to be seeing the signs of the misery she had to endure. Still, the sad sounds and infrequent breaths would come. I don't know how many prayers I said, asking, pleading, begging God to please just take her and end the suffering. He didn't. I can't say it shook my faith but I am a bit upset with him. I suppose it was a lesson to teach me to get my priorities in order and take better care of my responsibilities, but that was not what she deserved. No, I don't really think God works like this, but I am in pain and need somwhere to direct my anger. I think anger is part of the process, right? I forget the order or how many steps there are, but I know anger and denial are among them.
I know, she is no longer in pain, but she was in pain and that is hard enough. I am one who believes in ghosts, including animals, and I did tell her that she was always welcome to be with me wherever I am. I am trying very hard to focus on the little yellow kitty who leaped up on my AC to peer in the window at the goings on inside my apartment; who would hide in the bushes when I put food our for her but eventually came to trust me enough to come eat while I sat there, which is how she became an indoor kitty; who sat thru my daughter's first cold and let her snuggle even though she was coughing and sneezing and not letting Lila get a nap; who had the most uncanny knack of finding an exposed bit of skin and pressing her sweet pink - and very cold - nose to you; who slept right beside me every night, got up with me to tend to the kids; who would sit next to the food bowl and give me "the look" if there was even the tiniest bit of 'bowl' showing thru the food. That is the Lila I need to recall and the one I miss so much I am in physical pain. I love you sweet girl and I hope you had as good a life with us as we did with you.
There is a back story here that a few people know about, but I will share. Outside we have various kitties who come and go, some were born under our house even. One died under there after a fight with another animal. Of the remaining ones, there is one who recently had 3 kittens. It was her first litter and she is very young. I first saw them at about 4 weeks, which was this past week, maybe on Tuesday. I was able to play with them, and to spend some time with them. Then on Thursday, one of them died. No obvious cause, but I found her shortly afterward and had to explain to the kids what happened. Macy offered her crayon box to bury the kitty in. Daddy did the digging and Macy helped cover the box. Friday morning, I opened the blinds to see mama kitty walking across the driveway with one kitten following. I went outside to a spot I knew mama kitty to sleep in, and sure enough, there was the other kitten and he was in bad shape. I picked him up, went and snagged his remaining sibling as well, and brought them inside. I gave them water, they were very thirsty. The little male was very limp and even though he made noises like mews, he was too far gone and he died in my hands. This spurred me on and I made it my mission to save the remaining kitty. As fate would have it, she was a little orange kitty so maybe thats why I had a soft spot. I went and got the kitten milk, some canned food and even toys - I just knew this kitten would be okay as she had been the strongest all along. I fed her from an eye dropper every 4 hours, cleaned her when she pottied, bathed her to get the infestation of fleas off her tiny body. I made her a rice sock and got Lon to bring in a cage from the shed so she would be able to see the other cats but be safe. She was very tiny but she was trying. She made it thru the night and I continued with the feedings, cleanings, etc. Kept her warm with the rice sock, gave her water and food as well as kitten milk. Then Saturday night when I was sitting with Lila, the little orange kitten died too. So me, who loves cats indeed more than some people, had 4 cats pass away on her within 3 days. True, the kittens were not 'mine' and honestly it didn't hurt as much as Lila, but it was a lot to deal with at once. I have never wanted to get the hell out of anyplace as badly as I want to get out of here now. Too much bad mojo. I came here with 9 beautiful kitties, added 1 more yet now I have 4 wooden boxes with the ashes of four of my babies in them. It's time to go.
Sunday April 26th, just before 2am my sweet little yellow kitty, Lila, passed away. I knew it was coming and there wasn't a damned thing I could do about it. We had no money to provide the care she would need to prolong her life, and there was very little hope of saving her, just in buying her more time. I wish it had been different. I wish I had not been so stupid as to think that she would be okay at home, she would be among family and would find a favorite spot and simply lie down and drift off for the last time. It wasn't like that, not even close. She had not eaten in almost a week, her last trip to the water bowl was 3 days prior. She was gaunt, but she would still make small walks to her favorite spots to rest in and out of the house. She did love to lie in the sun on the patio so I let her. She walked all around out there, slowly and with long naps between changing spots. She came inside when it began to get dark, same as always. She was a good kitty. Then when she got inside, there was a noticeable change in her. She made shorter walks, laid in odd spots and appeared to be in pain. Around 7pm I noticed she was on a rug behind the couch, where ultimately she would stay. She would change positions, but it was clear she was hurting. Then she just couldn't change positions anymore, only turn over. This was when I decided I could no longer let her be and I went to lie down with her, to pet her, talk to her and let her know that she was loved, we had all had a great time with her but that it was time for her to go now. You see in the movie playing in my head, once I said all of this, she would close her eyes, have one last deep breath and just "go" in peace.
What followed was more than 6 hours of pain, loss of bodily control and general anguish. She cried out, clearly hurting and not sure what was going on. She had multiple spasms throughout her body where she would ultimately either draw up in a "fetal" position or go the other way and arch her back and not be able to move. I moved her back into a more "normal" pose, hoping this would ease the suffering and at least allow her to breathe for what time she had left. Great huge wracking ragged breaths were drawn in, and I pray I will be able to forget the sounds that came out of her. Legs and feet stiffened, drawing up to her body. She was hurting and there was nothing I could do NOW. If I hadn't been so cheap, I could have spared her this pain and let the vet put her down. I caused this pain on my little yellow kitty and now I have to live with that. I finally moved her into the carrier I would use to transport her to the pet crematorium, lined with a towel for comfort -yeah, I have to make her comfortable at this point. I put one of the baby blankets we have left from the early days with kids and covered her, actually had done that a few hours before, but it went in the carrier too. She deserves some dignity and no one to be seeing the signs of the misery she had to endure. Still, the sad sounds and infrequent breaths would come. I don't know how many prayers I said, asking, pleading, begging God to please just take her and end the suffering. He didn't. I can't say it shook my faith but I am a bit upset with him. I suppose it was a lesson to teach me to get my priorities in order and take better care of my responsibilities, but that was not what she deserved. No, I don't really think God works like this, but I am in pain and need somwhere to direct my anger. I think anger is part of the process, right? I forget the order or how many steps there are, but I know anger and denial are among them.
I know, she is no longer in pain, but she was in pain and that is hard enough. I am one who believes in ghosts, including animals, and I did tell her that she was always welcome to be with me wherever I am. I am trying very hard to focus on the little yellow kitty who leaped up on my AC to peer in the window at the goings on inside my apartment; who would hide in the bushes when I put food our for her but eventually came to trust me enough to come eat while I sat there, which is how she became an indoor kitty; who sat thru my daughter's first cold and let her snuggle even though she was coughing and sneezing and not letting Lila get a nap; who had the most uncanny knack of finding an exposed bit of skin and pressing her sweet pink - and very cold - nose to you; who slept right beside me every night, got up with me to tend to the kids; who would sit next to the food bowl and give me "the look" if there was even the tiniest bit of 'bowl' showing thru the food. That is the Lila I need to recall and the one I miss so much I am in physical pain. I love you sweet girl and I hope you had as good a life with us as we did with you.
There is a back story here that a few people know about, but I will share. Outside we have various kitties who come and go, some were born under our house even. One died under there after a fight with another animal. Of the remaining ones, there is one who recently had 3 kittens. It was her first litter and she is very young. I first saw them at about 4 weeks, which was this past week, maybe on Tuesday. I was able to play with them, and to spend some time with them. Then on Thursday, one of them died. No obvious cause, but I found her shortly afterward and had to explain to the kids what happened. Macy offered her crayon box to bury the kitty in. Daddy did the digging and Macy helped cover the box. Friday morning, I opened the blinds to see mama kitty walking across the driveway with one kitten following. I went outside to a spot I knew mama kitty to sleep in, and sure enough, there was the other kitten and he was in bad shape. I picked him up, went and snagged his remaining sibling as well, and brought them inside. I gave them water, they were very thirsty. The little male was very limp and even though he made noises like mews, he was too far gone and he died in my hands. This spurred me on and I made it my mission to save the remaining kitty. As fate would have it, she was a little orange kitty so maybe thats why I had a soft spot. I went and got the kitten milk, some canned food and even toys - I just knew this kitten would be okay as she had been the strongest all along. I fed her from an eye dropper every 4 hours, cleaned her when she pottied, bathed her to get the infestation of fleas off her tiny body. I made her a rice sock and got Lon to bring in a cage from the shed so she would be able to see the other cats but be safe. She was very tiny but she was trying. She made it thru the night and I continued with the feedings, cleanings, etc. Kept her warm with the rice sock, gave her water and food as well as kitten milk. Then Saturday night when I was sitting with Lila, the little orange kitten died too. So me, who loves cats indeed more than some people, had 4 cats pass away on her within 3 days. True, the kittens were not 'mine' and honestly it didn't hurt as much as Lila, but it was a lot to deal with at once. I have never wanted to get the hell out of anyplace as badly as I want to get out of here now. Too much bad mojo. I came here with 9 beautiful kitties, added 1 more yet now I have 4 wooden boxes with the ashes of four of my babies in them. It's time to go.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Freak Show in the Frozen Foods
You know, I am as easy going and laid back casual as any other Mom of 3 (yes, I count the hubby) who is about to lose her house due to a significant cut in income and having to figure out where when and how to move while trying to pay bills, catch up what has gotten behind and then has her desktop - nay, her very lifeline to the outside world and all that it offers - crash and die right in front of her....but all that aside I am pretty evenly keeled most days. Tonight kinda pushed my buttons a bit, although I did manage to paste on a fake smile and entertain for the crowds without ripping each of them a new ass.
So there I was, in Publix for the weekly grocery run. I like to go at night when Daddy is home and the kids can bounce off him for a while, and yes I do sometimes take my sweet time but whats your point? I was just getting the last things on my list from the frozen foods section when a couple walked up to the door a couple down from where I was immersed from the waist up because apparently no one re-stocks the Kid Cuisines my daughter MUST have until they are completely gone so I had to climb in the cooler to get them. I hear them murmuring to each other and can see them pointing at my cart. I back out of the cooler, target in hand, and they continued to look at my cart, then at me, then back to my cart as they scurried away like the cowards they must surely be. Of course now I am wondering so I looked at the cart, then at myself, saw nothing unusual so I shrugged it off.
Enter lucky couple #2. They actually walk right up to my cart as I am now searching for the blueberry muffin tops frantically (they moved them - again!) and this time I can clearly hear the conversation they have. "Oh my lord, would you LOOK at that cart!" from the lady, well the female one of the two. Followed by "Whoa! That is incredible, honey did you get a load of this cart going on here?" from the male counterpart who clearly is an idiot as she has just said she can clearly see it. Then I get "Wow, that is quite a lot you have shoved in there" and "Just how many people are you buying for?" in rapid sequence. To my credit I did not flog either of them with the box of frozen mini pancakes now in my hand. To my dismay, I smiled sheepishly and AGREED with the morons. "Yeah, this is quite a haul. Wonder if the wheels will still turn?" and just walked away.
Cue the bagboy. I have confirmed that plastic will be fine, thank you for asking, and am trying to unload in the OCD manner I prefer. All frozen together and first, followed by produce, then all meats together, dairy is next (refrigerated stuff) and last are the canned and dry goods with bread, eggs and chips bringing up the rear. I did have a big 18lb bag of cat food that I ran across the scanner while the cashier was trying to get something else to scan and taking far too long to do so. The bagboy begins with "Man, you having a party?" I wasn't sure what prompted that comment - the stack of Kid Cuisines or the can of formula - so I just smiled and simply said "Nope, just grocery night" thinking that was the last of it. There was more. I had picked up a box of doughnuts from the bakery, dont need them but then who does. He looks at those and says again, "Oh you are having a party"....what about a dozen doughnuts suggests a party is beyond me, but again, I blew it off with "Oh those are for my hubby to take in to his office" (total lie, they are for home) and he just kept on...gonna need another cart - "why? I got it up here in one cart". That sure is a lot of stuff...."yes, it is a lot but it is for a family of four, for more than a week of some stuff" my only comeback, although I could feel myself getting irritated. We finally get all of my masses of groceries that apparently was enough to cause gawking and thoughtless comments ready to go to my van. I put the box of doughnuts on top of the seat area, where some boxed goods were, so they would not get smashed. I also put on top of the doughnut box a gift bag, tissue paper, a card and curly ribbons I picked up for a sweet little girl's bithday gift that I hope will be on time for her party. I also didn't want those smashed. To his credit, the bagboy did offer to take my groceries to the car, nevermind that it is Publix policy, many of them don't. Here we go, walking to my car and he is still at it "Sure hope you have enough room for all of this" .... dude, I am a Mom, I could pack the whole cart and your dead body in a Miata. Still forcing a smile, I only said "Oh I'm sure it will be fine". Then I hear something odd, turn to look back and the curly ribbons were blowing across the parking lot!! The idiot didn't even notice!! Now I am mad. I said, "Hey! You're letting my stuff fall all over and get ruined!" His only response? "oh, yeah I guess they fell"....really? You guess they fell? What the hell was your first clue - that they were on the damn nasty ground?? So I go chase them down and put them back on top, making sure to tell him to please watch that stuff....and what does Mr Einstein do? Presses his hand down on top of it all - picture the scene....curly ribbons, card, tissue paper, 3D gift bag...being pressed down on rather firmly...oh yes did I mention they were sitting on top of my BOX OF DOUGHNUTS???? Then he sees a Ford Excursion parked near where I was walking and is all "Oh, this blue one is yours? Yeah, you need an SUV that big for your kinda shopping!" I stopped for a second, looked at him with a look that usually halts charging pitbulls and said "No, in fact mine is NOT the blue one. It is the red minivan two spaces down and there is a huge stroller in the back so you will have to be careful" Then I parked the cart against the side of my van and opened the gate so he could put stuff in, but I took the doughnuts and laid them on the front seat so they wouldn't be likely to slide around. I also grabbed all the bags with breads or eggs in them since he was lobbing bags in the cargo area like a friggin firebox tender on a steam train. I did thank him for his help, sadly he wouldn't know sarcasm if it bit him squarely on the ass.
When exactly did it beome appropriate to gape and gawk at people's grocery carts, and comment on the stuff they are buying?? The more time I thought about these people and their behavior, the madder I got! They have no business all up in my business about what I buy! I didn't comment on their nasty food choices or how gaunt they looked and it might indeed be due to the lack of red meat and processed foods in their diets. I mean seriously, these were the comments I heard tonight! From people in a grocery store - they were shocked and awed. I wont give you the list of contents verbatim, I could since I keep the receipts but I wont. Here is just an idea: 2 6pks drinkable yogurts; 2pks shredded cheeses; 3 half gals of choc milk; 1 gal reg milk; 4 bottles Juicy Juice (BOGO); 4 boxes Nutri Grain cereal bars (BOGO); 4 packs ground beef; 1 pk chicken wings; 1 gal OJ; some canned goods; pk of sliced cantaloupe, banana bunch and cut up watermelon; some onions, 5lb bag of potatoes and a small head of cabbage; 6 Kid Cuisine dinners (dont judge); a box of mini pancakes and a box of muffin tops; underneath was the cat food, one 12pk soda and cat litter. What about any of that seems excessive for a week to 10 days for a family of 4?? Oh yes, and the box of doughnuts on top. Sheesh, can't a girl shop without being judged and condemned? Maybe I should put a "dontations please" jar on the front of my grocery cart. Oh, maybe Publix should do like Ross and attach big silver poles to their carts and I could pole dance, earn some tips to help cover my obviously ginormous grocery bill. Hey, if they wanna gawk, lets give 'em something to gawk about!
So there I was, in Publix for the weekly grocery run. I like to go at night when Daddy is home and the kids can bounce off him for a while, and yes I do sometimes take my sweet time but whats your point? I was just getting the last things on my list from the frozen foods section when a couple walked up to the door a couple down from where I was immersed from the waist up because apparently no one re-stocks the Kid Cuisines my daughter MUST have until they are completely gone so I had to climb in the cooler to get them. I hear them murmuring to each other and can see them pointing at my cart. I back out of the cooler, target in hand, and they continued to look at my cart, then at me, then back to my cart as they scurried away like the cowards they must surely be. Of course now I am wondering so I looked at the cart, then at myself, saw nothing unusual so I shrugged it off.
Enter lucky couple #2. They actually walk right up to my cart as I am now searching for the blueberry muffin tops frantically (they moved them - again!) and this time I can clearly hear the conversation they have. "Oh my lord, would you LOOK at that cart!" from the lady, well the female one of the two. Followed by "Whoa! That is incredible, honey did you get a load of this cart going on here?" from the male counterpart who clearly is an idiot as she has just said she can clearly see it. Then I get "Wow, that is quite a lot you have shoved in there" and "Just how many people are you buying for?" in rapid sequence. To my credit I did not flog either of them with the box of frozen mini pancakes now in my hand. To my dismay, I smiled sheepishly and AGREED with the morons. "Yeah, this is quite a haul. Wonder if the wheels will still turn?" and just walked away.
Cue the bagboy. I have confirmed that plastic will be fine, thank you for asking, and am trying to unload in the OCD manner I prefer. All frozen together and first, followed by produce, then all meats together, dairy is next (refrigerated stuff) and last are the canned and dry goods with bread, eggs and chips bringing up the rear. I did have a big 18lb bag of cat food that I ran across the scanner while the cashier was trying to get something else to scan and taking far too long to do so. The bagboy begins with "Man, you having a party?" I wasn't sure what prompted that comment - the stack of Kid Cuisines or the can of formula - so I just smiled and simply said "Nope, just grocery night" thinking that was the last of it. There was more. I had picked up a box of doughnuts from the bakery, dont need them but then who does. He looks at those and says again, "Oh you are having a party"....what about a dozen doughnuts suggests a party is beyond me, but again, I blew it off with "Oh those are for my hubby to take in to his office" (total lie, they are for home) and he just kept on...gonna need another cart - "why? I got it up here in one cart". That sure is a lot of stuff...."yes, it is a lot but it is for a family of four, for more than a week of some stuff" my only comeback, although I could feel myself getting irritated. We finally get all of my masses of groceries that apparently was enough to cause gawking and thoughtless comments ready to go to my van. I put the box of doughnuts on top of the seat area, where some boxed goods were, so they would not get smashed. I also put on top of the doughnut box a gift bag, tissue paper, a card and curly ribbons I picked up for a sweet little girl's bithday gift that I hope will be on time for her party. I also didn't want those smashed. To his credit, the bagboy did offer to take my groceries to the car, nevermind that it is Publix policy, many of them don't. Here we go, walking to my car and he is still at it "Sure hope you have enough room for all of this" .... dude, I am a Mom, I could pack the whole cart and your dead body in a Miata. Still forcing a smile, I only said "Oh I'm sure it will be fine". Then I hear something odd, turn to look back and the curly ribbons were blowing across the parking lot!! The idiot didn't even notice!! Now I am mad. I said, "Hey! You're letting my stuff fall all over and get ruined!" His only response? "oh, yeah I guess they fell"....really? You guess they fell? What the hell was your first clue - that they were on the damn nasty ground?? So I go chase them down and put them back on top, making sure to tell him to please watch that stuff....and what does Mr Einstein do? Presses his hand down on top of it all - picture the scene....curly ribbons, card, tissue paper, 3D gift bag...being pressed down on rather firmly...oh yes did I mention they were sitting on top of my BOX OF DOUGHNUTS???? Then he sees a Ford Excursion parked near where I was walking and is all "Oh, this blue one is yours? Yeah, you need an SUV that big for your kinda shopping!" I stopped for a second, looked at him with a look that usually halts charging pitbulls and said "No, in fact mine is NOT the blue one. It is the red minivan two spaces down and there is a huge stroller in the back so you will have to be careful" Then I parked the cart against the side of my van and opened the gate so he could put stuff in, but I took the doughnuts and laid them on the front seat so they wouldn't be likely to slide around. I also grabbed all the bags with breads or eggs in them since he was lobbing bags in the cargo area like a friggin firebox tender on a steam train. I did thank him for his help, sadly he wouldn't know sarcasm if it bit him squarely on the ass.
When exactly did it beome appropriate to gape and gawk at people's grocery carts, and comment on the stuff they are buying?? The more time I thought about these people and their behavior, the madder I got! They have no business all up in my business about what I buy! I didn't comment on their nasty food choices or how gaunt they looked and it might indeed be due to the lack of red meat and processed foods in their diets. I mean seriously, these were the comments I heard tonight! From people in a grocery store - they were shocked and awed. I wont give you the list of contents verbatim, I could since I keep the receipts but I wont. Here is just an idea: 2 6pks drinkable yogurts; 2pks shredded cheeses; 3 half gals of choc milk; 1 gal reg milk; 4 bottles Juicy Juice (BOGO); 4 boxes Nutri Grain cereal bars (BOGO); 4 packs ground beef; 1 pk chicken wings; 1 gal OJ; some canned goods; pk of sliced cantaloupe, banana bunch and cut up watermelon; some onions, 5lb bag of potatoes and a small head of cabbage; 6 Kid Cuisine dinners (dont judge); a box of mini pancakes and a box of muffin tops; underneath was the cat food, one 12pk soda and cat litter. What about any of that seems excessive for a week to 10 days for a family of 4?? Oh yes, and the box of doughnuts on top. Sheesh, can't a girl shop without being judged and condemned? Maybe I should put a "dontations please" jar on the front of my grocery cart. Oh, maybe Publix should do like Ross and attach big silver poles to their carts and I could pole dance, earn some tips to help cover my obviously ginormous grocery bill. Hey, if they wanna gawk, lets give 'em something to gawk about!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Welcome kits for people moving to Florida
I guess if people are going to insist on continuing to move to Florida from other places where they have lived their lives just fine until seeing all the fun we have here, then the least we can do is make them feel welcome. In this line of thinking, I have come up with a “Welcome to Florida” kit that should make the transition a bit easier. Each kit will contain the basic items, plus we can customize it with a few extras as they apply.
BASIC KIT:
Welder’s mask. These people have no idea how strong the sun is here in Florida, but this should help them until they can build up the calluses on their eyes that are needed to survive. Plus this will protect them from the repeated smacks to the head they will surely be dealt for coming here and trying to tell us how wonderful life was back in wherever they came from and how things were done better/faster/bigger there. If it was so damned wonderful, why are you here?
List of Dermatologists: They will become your best friend, especially when you don’t heed the warnings about the sun and start having “spots” show up on you in places maybe the sun hasn’t even seen. Plus this way we won’t have to be sitting down to eat while you discuss your various skin disorders and how they ooze, bleed and turn colors. Loudly.
Turn Signal Replacement Bulb: There will only be one, it’s all you will use anyway. Given that turn signal bulbs are made in the same fashion as other light bulbs, they have a use limit before they will simply ‘blow’ and stop working. All vehicles come with a working set, at least 4 bulbs installed at the outer corners of your vehicle. At some point, they will begin to give out and when the first one happens, you will change the bulb. Then you will notice how many times people make turns or lane changes without benefit of using the signal. At first, you will be outraged, make a fuss and maybe a gesture. Then slowly, it will start to seem like a good idea. Why use up the short life of your turn signal so quickly? What if you only used it every-other time you needed to – this will double the life span of the bulb! Once you have accepted this as a good idea, your penny pinching early bird eating self will decide that if you only use it on the 3rd Tuesday of the month, and only then if its foggy that morning (no matter what time of day you drive)…suddenly this bulb is lasting for years longer than it was supposed to. Next thing you know, you have gone into full blown “Save the Bulbs” mode and you just no longer use the damn things at all. See? One is all you will need. You are allowed to donate your bulb to your buddy who takes the opposite approach and leaves his signal on for 90% of his driving life.
List of Endangered Species to watch for: We have a few species here that are in danger of being wiped out completely. It is a good idea to know which ones to keep a look out for because if you are found doing harm upon, feeding stuff to or aiming your car at in an attempt to see how fast they really are, you could be arrested, fined large sums of money or at least frowned at forcefully. Let’s review some of them.
Sandhill Cranes: pretty birds, smaller than an Emu, bright red feathers on their heads. Very tight with the mates and keep the chicks (little cranes, not girls) close. They can be seen in a variety of parking lots, along side busy highways and streets and on golf courses. I think some of the areas in which they ‘hang out’ may be directly contributing to the decline in their numbers. They don’t really get out of the way of cars, more so they look at them in wonder as they come REALLY close.
Gopher Tortoises: Look a lot like turtles but they live on dry land. They do like water and tend to cross roads and highways to get to a body of water. As they are tortoises they do this really slowly and likely this is not good for keeping a lot of them alive. It is okay to stop in the road (check for traffic first), hit your flashers and remove the tortoise to the side of the road safely. If you do this, don’t hold it up near your body – it will pee on you. I think the rapid mobility scares them.
Florida Panthers and Bobcats: They are really pretty and really fast so you likely won’t get to see many. Plus they get killed a lot. Given the speed of these cats, for them to get hit by a car means the car was going WAY too fast in the first place, but no one seems to get that connection. Drive the speed limit, watch for wildlife. Not hard. They were here first and they should have right of way. If you do see one in your yard, DON’T try to pet it. They are beautiful but will attack. If one is between you and your house, go ahead and find other accommodations. At least for the night.
Actual Florida Natives: We are easy to spot. We are everything you want to be; only we don’t have to work at it. Don’t approach too fast, think before you speak to one and remember we were here first. Sad to say, but our numbers are indeed dwindling.
Relaxation tools: I don’t want to get into trouble by insisting that newcomers be injected with narcotics. They will have ample opportunity to sample them on their own later. I do think if the following items are used properly, it just might help them adjust. Do be careful that you don’t OD on this, the combination is addicting. A “Hawaiian” shirt. Yes, you are moving into Florida and yet the welcome kit has a “Hawaiian” shirt. If it makes you feel better, call it an “island style” shirt. Hard to be a jerk in a loudly colored flowing shirt that likely has flowers, parrots and tropical drinks all over it. A seashell and/or shark tooth necklace. Its hard to be stressed with these things around your neck, no one would take you seriously anyway. A bottle of “Hawaiian Tropic” suntan lotion. Not sunscreen, not oil, just the old standard. When you smell this stuff for more than 10 minutes a day, you can’t be anything but relaxed. By the way, it might say “Hawaiian Tropic” but it is made in Florida. A Jimmy Buffet CD. My personal choice would be what I refer to as “the yellow album” because the entire jacket is yellow and has red letters on it but I forget the title. It might be Margaritaville, it might be a ‘greatest hits’ album. Does not matter. If you listen to Jimmy, you will find yourself loving island life before you know what it even is. Flip flops. Get over your loafers and workboots, these are the shoe of choice in Florida. They are not comfortable until you break them in so quit bitching about how they hurt between your toes and give it a day or two. DO NOT wear socks with Flip Flops unless you just want your ass kicked. Cold beer or frozen drink. As they say, “It’s 5 o’clock Somewhere. Just go with it. Go to a hole in the wall bar in midday. Sip your drink outside on the deck. Go to a Tiki Bar – any Tiki Bar – and take it all in.
Extras: What the hell else could you need? You just got a kick ass welcome kit that will have you fitting in and feeling good in no time. You need more? Wal-Mart is open 24 hours a day, go get it your damn self. I am gonna sit right here in my Hawaiian shirt, reeking of coconut scented lotion with my flip flops on the floor under my crossed ankles up on the railing around the Tiki Bar and drink my frosty beverage while singing with Jimmy. I aint moving.
I guess if people are going to insist on continuing to move to Florida from other places where they have lived their lives just fine until seeing all the fun we have here, then the least we can do is make them feel welcome. In this line of thinking, I have come up with a “Welcome to Florida” kit that should make the transition a bit easier. Each kit will contain the basic items, plus we can customize it with a few extras as they apply.
BASIC KIT:
Welder’s mask. These people have no idea how strong the sun is here in Florida, but this should help them until they can build up the calluses on their eyes that are needed to survive. Plus this will protect them from the repeated smacks to the head they will surely be dealt for coming here and trying to tell us how wonderful life was back in wherever they came from and how things were done better/faster/bigger there. If it was so damned wonderful, why are you here?
List of Dermatologists: They will become your best friend, especially when you don’t heed the warnings about the sun and start having “spots” show up on you in places maybe the sun hasn’t even seen. Plus this way we won’t have to be sitting down to eat while you discuss your various skin disorders and how they ooze, bleed and turn colors. Loudly.
Turn Signal Replacement Bulb: There will only be one, it’s all you will use anyway. Given that turn signal bulbs are made in the same fashion as other light bulbs, they have a use limit before they will simply ‘blow’ and stop working. All vehicles come with a working set, at least 4 bulbs installed at the outer corners of your vehicle. At some point, they will begin to give out and when the first one happens, you will change the bulb. Then you will notice how many times people make turns or lane changes without benefit of using the signal. At first, you will be outraged, make a fuss and maybe a gesture. Then slowly, it will start to seem like a good idea. Why use up the short life of your turn signal so quickly? What if you only used it every-other time you needed to – this will double the life span of the bulb! Once you have accepted this as a good idea, your penny pinching early bird eating self will decide that if you only use it on the 3rd Tuesday of the month, and only then if its foggy that morning (no matter what time of day you drive)…suddenly this bulb is lasting for years longer than it was supposed to. Next thing you know, you have gone into full blown “Save the Bulbs” mode and you just no longer use the damn things at all. See? One is all you will need. You are allowed to donate your bulb to your buddy who takes the opposite approach and leaves his signal on for 90% of his driving life.
List of Endangered Species to watch for: We have a few species here that are in danger of being wiped out completely. It is a good idea to know which ones to keep a look out for because if you are found doing harm upon, feeding stuff to or aiming your car at in an attempt to see how fast they really are, you could be arrested, fined large sums of money or at least frowned at forcefully. Let’s review some of them.
Sandhill Cranes: pretty birds, smaller than an Emu, bright red feathers on their heads. Very tight with the mates and keep the chicks (little cranes, not girls) close. They can be seen in a variety of parking lots, along side busy highways and streets and on golf courses. I think some of the areas in which they ‘hang out’ may be directly contributing to the decline in their numbers. They don’t really get out of the way of cars, more so they look at them in wonder as they come REALLY close.
Gopher Tortoises: Look a lot like turtles but they live on dry land. They do like water and tend to cross roads and highways to get to a body of water. As they are tortoises they do this really slowly and likely this is not good for keeping a lot of them alive. It is okay to stop in the road (check for traffic first), hit your flashers and remove the tortoise to the side of the road safely. If you do this, don’t hold it up near your body – it will pee on you. I think the rapid mobility scares them.
Florida Panthers and Bobcats: They are really pretty and really fast so you likely won’t get to see many. Plus they get killed a lot. Given the speed of these cats, for them to get hit by a car means the car was going WAY too fast in the first place, but no one seems to get that connection. Drive the speed limit, watch for wildlife. Not hard. They were here first and they should have right of way. If you do see one in your yard, DON’T try to pet it. They are beautiful but will attack. If one is between you and your house, go ahead and find other accommodations. At least for the night.
Actual Florida Natives: We are easy to spot. We are everything you want to be; only we don’t have to work at it. Don’t approach too fast, think before you speak to one and remember we were here first. Sad to say, but our numbers are indeed dwindling.
Relaxation tools: I don’t want to get into trouble by insisting that newcomers be injected with narcotics. They will have ample opportunity to sample them on their own later. I do think if the following items are used properly, it just might help them adjust. Do be careful that you don’t OD on this, the combination is addicting. A “Hawaiian” shirt. Yes, you are moving into Florida and yet the welcome kit has a “Hawaiian” shirt. If it makes you feel better, call it an “island style” shirt. Hard to be a jerk in a loudly colored flowing shirt that likely has flowers, parrots and tropical drinks all over it. A seashell and/or shark tooth necklace. Its hard to be stressed with these things around your neck, no one would take you seriously anyway. A bottle of “Hawaiian Tropic” suntan lotion. Not sunscreen, not oil, just the old standard. When you smell this stuff for more than 10 minutes a day, you can’t be anything but relaxed. By the way, it might say “Hawaiian Tropic” but it is made in Florida. A Jimmy Buffet CD. My personal choice would be what I refer to as “the yellow album” because the entire jacket is yellow and has red letters on it but I forget the title. It might be Margaritaville, it might be a ‘greatest hits’ album. Does not matter. If you listen to Jimmy, you will find yourself loving island life before you know what it even is. Flip flops. Get over your loafers and workboots, these are the shoe of choice in Florida. They are not comfortable until you break them in so quit bitching about how they hurt between your toes and give it a day or two. DO NOT wear socks with Flip Flops unless you just want your ass kicked. Cold beer or frozen drink. As they say, “It’s 5 o’clock Somewhere. Just go with it. Go to a hole in the wall bar in midday. Sip your drink outside on the deck. Go to a Tiki Bar – any Tiki Bar – and take it all in.
Extras: What the hell else could you need? You just got a kick ass welcome kit that will have you fitting in and feeling good in no time. You need more? Wal-Mart is open 24 hours a day, go get it your damn self. I am gonna sit right here in my Hawaiian shirt, reeking of coconut scented lotion with my flip flops on the floor under my crossed ankles up on the railing around the Tiki Bar and drink my frosty beverage while singing with Jimmy. I aint moving.
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