Yeah so I have noticed that I only remember to post on this blog annually. That's not all bad tho, right? I mean lots of things are annual ... eye exams, dermatologist exams, mammograms, paying taxes, renewing your car tag... Oh holy hell, I don't want to be associated with those things!! Okay, okay... I will do better. Really. I will.
So lets see, what is new? Umm... I still don't have a job, so lets gloss over that. Kids are still awesome, doing well in school and such. I do volunteer at the school a bit and boy, will THAT give you some perspective on a Teacher's job. I would never make it. What else...what else... Oh, I lost about 23 pounds! Yeah so 4-5 came back to visit, but they can go away again. They can, I've seen it happen. I still do the Paranormal Investigator thing, which I still love. The friends I've made there are some of the most awesome people I have ever known. Oh, and I got divorced.
Since October is upon us in less than 12 hours, lets go with the Paranormal thing. Have I lost my mind? Probably. Still I would prefer to sit in a dark and creepy location with a handful of my friends, hoping for that moment when 'something' happens to lead us down the path of validation or debunking over any night of TV watching. Ideally I would love to say I am only in it to help people, but that would not be true. Yes, I am thrilled when people actually come to me and say they are now able to be comfortable in their home or when they are truly relieved to know that in fact, they are not losing their minds and something is indeed going on and that we can help put that to rest for them. Absolutely that part is amazing. However, honestly the thrill of the "chase" is pretty damned addictive and makes me want to continue to search for that moment that will make even a seasoned investigator sit back and say "Wow!" so that is what keeps me going. Helping people is a very happy side effect of the intoxication of investigation. I love what we do and I love that we all love it enough to not get discouraged when 'ghosts' don't walk up and say howdy-do directly in front of video cameras and close enough to voice recorders. I even love it when things that were an accepted method are themselves debunked because that makes us step back and think more in depth.
I've also been lucky enough to be one of three co-chairs for an annual fundraiser called Paranormal Kicks Cancer, or PKC. No I am not going to turn this into a plea for donations, stop cringing. It amazes me the amount of work, planning, pleading and sacrifice that goes into an event. Any event. It amazes me further that so many people think they are right out of a pop-up book, that we simply pull out a plan and "BAM" there it is with no real effort. HA! I am only speaking to the behind the scenes of PKC here, because that is one I know the details on. Maybe some of you have things so well laid out that you really do push a button and things unfold, inflate and run smoothly - and if you do, please let me learn from you. This was the second year for the three of us handling things, and I know each of us has a life to continue along side pulling this event together - right along with other daily life and coincidentally the three of us also put some talent and effort into another annual event for the paranormal field, but that is another story. (this way I have material for another entry, you see) This year I personally feel like I did not give it my all. I have apologized and cried and gotten mad and all the other stuff that goes along with it, but the truth is I just did not have it in me to be 100% present for any part of the event. Life has hit hard this year. I lost something more precious to me than even I knew; I've lived another year in a personal hell that I am having a very hard time getting away from; I saw life as I knew it change to something I never wanted it to be. Still I managed to hang in there and continue pushing. I can't give up on at least getting things back to center and on the way to happy. I can't let myself continue to let myself down like that. I won't, either. I am too damned stubborn for my own good most of the time, but this past year has shown me a lot about what I thought I wanted versus what in fact I actually need. Refocused and still determined, I move forward. Maybe with less confidence, definitely missing a piece of myself, but forward nonetheless. Baby steps, as I was told so many times. Those still count too.
Okay, back to the rantings of a deranged person next time. This soul clearing stuff is cathartic, but it makes me cry. Mascara is too damned expensive to ruin like that. Be good to yourselves because ...wait, do we need a reason to be good to ourselves? Nah, just do it.
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